Quote of the Day

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined. - Henry David Thoreau

Quote of the Day

Encouragement is the oxygen of the soul. - John Maxwell

Quote of the Day

"You cannot be a leader, and ask other people to follow you, unless you know how to follow, too." — Sam Rayburn

Quote of the Day

Fear is useless. Faith is necessary. Love is everything! - Martin Sheen

Parents, Children & Marriage

I just got the opportunity to read a very interesting article Daddy Knows Best: Should Dads Take an Active Role in Their Daughter’s Marriage Decision? by Kenny Pugh featured on Black Enterprise’s website. The story highlighted how a father requested credit reports, bank statements and medical records from his daughter’s suitor. Upon hearing that I began to really take two things into account my actions as a suitor & the future life of my daughters.

First, I must say that when I courted my wife the only good thing that I had going for me was that I was in good health. Of course, I had a lot of potential to be a good husband & father, but my reputation was terrible with no financial stability. Nevertheless, we married & we have endured a lot to get where we are today & we still have a ways to go to get to financial stability. My wife has been very strong, resilient, patient, loving & understanding in it all, but I know our lifestyle has taken a toll on her. I must say that I should’ve been much more prepared to take on the position as a husband & father. However, what I lacked in financial stability I believe that I compensated for spiritual & emotional stability. Yet the question still remains was that enough?

As a father of daughters, I now must come to grips with passing the torch to their husbands to provide & care for them when married. The honest question is will I be satisfied with them marrying a man like me. Since hindsight is always 20/20, I now know what it takes to be married & take care of a family. I know that finances play a huge role in the success & failure of a marriage.

That all being said, I would definitely & plan to request the credit reports, bank statements and medical records of the suitors of ALL my children. To make a good decision one has to be well informed. How can an individual choose a life-mate without all the information? Even if the candidate has bad credit then at least my children will know prior to marriage & can prepare & plan with their future spouse to improve their lives. Knowing is half the battle.

Read the article & tell me what would you do?

Daddy Knows Best: Should Dads Take an Active Role in Their Daughter’s Marriage Decision? Fathers played an active role throughout history -- so why not now? By Kenny Pugh

http://www.blackenterprise.com/money/daddy-knows-best-should-fathers-take-an-active-role-in-their-daughters-marriage-decision/#.UXfosbHk7fE.email

Family

“Let us make one point, that we meet each other with a smile, when it is difficult to smile. Smile at each other, make time for each other in your family.”  Just as Mother Teresa does, many other people have attempted to discuss one of the most controversial topics – family.  Some believe that family is just an individual’s immediate family.  While others believe family is not only an individual’s immediate family, but friends.  Yet even others believe that the definition of family is much broader in the sense that it is everyone within the world.  Family plays such an important role in an individual’s worldview it is fairly easy to see why it is such an interesting topic.  Through family an individual may experience jealousy, hatred, love, selfishness, charity, friendship, admiration, peace, violence, abuse and more.  Family is one of the most complicated arrangements ever introduced to humanity.  It is through this family arena that an individual is developed and introduced into the world. 

The definition of family is often viewed as general and varying depending on the person.  With the utilization of family many have attempted to address some of the social problems within society.  William Shakespeare often centered his dramas on different families.  Whether it was two families at war with one another in Romeo and Juliet or the internal struggle of a prominent family in King Lear, Shakespeare always seemed to emphasize family to reveal the faults within individuals and society.  Furthermore, the pioneer of psychology, Sigmund Freud even suggested that family was the cause of many mental illnesses.  Freud believed that through repression of instinctual behavior the individual would damage his conscious with guilt.  Freud’s key instinctual behavior was introduced as the Oedipus complex or Electra complex.  This complex was where a child had sexual feelings for the parent of the opposite sex and hostility or jealousy of the same sex parent.  If an individual did not deal with these feelings properly he or she may be mentally scarred for life.

Even though many prominent secular figures have tackled the issue of family, one of the first places family was introduced was in the Bible.  With stories like Cain and Abel, Jacob and Esau or Joseph and his brothers, the negative aspect of family is well represented.  One can obviously perceive how family can become overbearing or detrimental to an individual’s life.  The Bible also displays positive families, such as Ruth and Naomi or Priscilla and Aquila.  Nevertheless, Jesus comes along and transforms the entire perception of family.  Even though, Jesus’ ancestry was a fulfillment of the prophecies, through Jesus’ ministry the idea of family would never be the same.  “While He yet talked to the people, behold, His mother and His brethren stood outside, desiring to speak with Him.  Then one said unto Him, ‘Behold, thy mother and thy brethren stand outside, desiring to speak with thee.’  But He answered and said unto him that told Him, ‘Who is My mother? And who are My brethren?’  And He stretched forth His hand toward His disciples and said, ‘Behold, My mother and My brethren!  For whosoever shall do the will of My Father who is in Heaven, the same is My brother, and sister, and mother (Matthew 12:46-50).’”  Traditionally, the Jews were a very family oriented group of people, from the twelve tribes to Jesus’ age the importance of family was stressed.  It is within this statement, that Jesus introduces a revolutionary definition of family to the Jews.  A family is not just a group of people within the same bloodline, but anyone who submits to the will of God.

Years have passed and the definition and role of family still remains controversial. As a society, we are now dealing with a new view of family that is often plagued by divorces, absent parents, half-siblings, step-parents and so much more. As a product of unwed parents & an unwed father of a child, I now face the challenge to instill in my children the meaning of family. But what can I tell them? How can I define family? Can I heal the mistakes of the past? The interesting thing is that even though the outlook of family constantly changes, Jesus’ view of family can and will heal and restore families. If we began to love & care for each other, as we love & care for ourselves we will begin to have a Godly family experience. And that experience will not only change our lives, but our community, our city, our state, our country and our world.

“But Ruth said, Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there will I be buried. May the Lord do so to me and more also if anything but death parts me from you.” Ruth 1:16–17 (ESV)

Rejection

Last night, I walked into the gym to find my daughter sitting on the floor against the wall with her head down. She had just finished a tryout for one of the top girls’ basketball summer teams. I immediately knew that look & what it meant. Ignoring my instincts, I asked her how the tryout went & if she made the team. She thought she did alright, but made some mistakes. The coach had supposedly already talked to the parents of the girls that made the team. He never walked over to me.

I began to remember the many basketball tryouts that I went to & the many rejections - “You’re not good enough”, “We have enough guards”, “You’re too skinny” & the classic “Don’t call us, we’ll call you”. With every rejection doubt, frustration, anger & fear constantly ate at me & pushed my dream further & further away. So it tore me up inside when I knew that my daughter was now having those same feelings & this moment could be the end of it all for her.

The interesting thing is that I had just traveled 32 miles to see her at the end of the tryout. On my way to the tryout, I was fighting something trying to tell me that this trip was a waste of time, gas & money - you would probably only see her for 15 minutes, if that. But I kept telling myself that I want to be there when they announce she made the team. Never even thinking that she might not make the team.

So after consoling & encouraging my daughter, I began my trip back home. As I drove, I began to remember tryout after tryout & rejection after rejection. I remembered the hard work & practice hours I had put in to make the necessary improvements. Then I recalled that one question that always ate at me - Why? Why did I have to keep getting rejected?

After finally making a couple of semi-professional teams, I thought that the rejection was for me to appreciate the acceptance. Every rejection made making the teams so much sweeter. However, now I see that my thought process was a little flawed. My rejections were also for that moment when I walked in the gym & I saw my daughter’s head down. My rejections were so that I can be to my daughter what I never had, someone who understood every emotion & pain that you feel when you’ve given it all & it wasn’t enough. So I can be a parent that understands how it feels for your dream to be right there in front of you & you can’t have it. My rejections were so I can navigate my daughter through one of the most difficult times in her life.

Thank you rejection for preparing me for this moment & making me a better father.

“What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?” - Romans 8:31 (NKJV)